Ticketmaster = The Biggest Possum

I feel about Ticketmaster, as I feel about Possums. I hate them both. They both should burn.

Riddle me this: I buy three $15 tickets to see my Indians beat the crappy Tigers. How much should that cost...NPV of $45 right? NO! Let's review all of the wonderful charges our friends at Ticketmaster levy for the wonderful convenience of purchasing tickets from them!

FIRST WONDERFUL TICKETMASTER CHARGE: $3.85 "Order Processing Charge" Okay, this I can appreciate, they have to make some money for processing my order right? Fine.

SECOND WONDERFUL TICKETMASTER CHARGE: $4.25 "Convenience Charge" - PER TICKET!! A 28% levy for a little convenience! Who's ever heard of a "Convenience Charge" anyway? Is there a way for me to select an inconvenient alternative and keep my $12.75?? Cause I'm pretty sure the "convenience" isn't really worth that much to me.

THIRD WONDERFUL TICKETMASTER CHARGE: $2.50 to email my tickets to me so I can print them out myself! So let's get this straight, if I elect to have the venue print a real ticket on heavy ticket stock and pay someone to sit there in the ticket booth, check my ID, look for my tickets, and collect my signature, there is no charge. But if you send me an email and I use my ink and my paper and my printer, you charge me for it?! I understand it is demand pricing in that I skip the wait at the stadium. But let's review: you've already taxed me $16.60 to use your services - more than the price of one of my tickets - and now you are going to tack on $2.50 more?

I'm going to bring a big blow-up doll to the game with me and put a t-shirt on it that says "Master of Tickets" and sit that damn thing in the seat next to me, and when the user tells me to move it, I'm going to whip out my receipt and show him that I actually paid more for the "Master of Tickets" to come to the game than any of the rest of us there.

Don't Hurt Me...I'm Dead...Really

They often play dead...I wish they would stop playing and just be dead.

And by the way, at least 906 others appear to agree with me.

More about Less Possums

I mean think about it...I talked about raccoons already, but even skunks, mice, coyotes - they have all been made somewhat cute through movies or cartoons. Pepe Le Peu, Flower from Bambi, Mickey Mouse, Jerry from Tom and Jerry, Wile E Coyote. But even the great Walt Disney knows he can't hope to turn a damn possum into a loving character. Those red beady eyes, that slow awkward gait...I hate possums.

Possums??

What are possums about? Were they really on Noah's Ark? If so, why? What value do possums provide to the ecosystem...they eat trash or something? Can't raccoons eat all of our trash instead, I mean at least they aren't so ugly. They might be evil little buggers, but at least they can rep solid brands like La-Z-Boy in TV ads. When have you ever seen a possum in a TV spot? Maybe if someone starts offering cruises on the River Styx in hell they'll decide to put some possums in their campaign, but even then, I don't know. I kind of feel like we should set all possums on fire...